Vita Coco! Another Hydration Gimmick?

So many people complain about having to drink water. So many people complain about hating the taste of water. We have to drink it to survive, and it seems that unless something tastes like a flavor explosion on your tongue, people have a hard time swallowing it. There are many beverages with rich flavor aimed at hydrating us without the tasteless pain of drinking plain water, but this new one, Vita Coco, claims to be just like sticking a straw in a coconut. I will admit that I have been drinking this beverage lately, not for the hydration, but for the taste and low calorie content.

These little 17 ounce cartons of “coconut water” contain only 60 calories, no fat, and are full of vitamins. Sounds great to me. I also like that it is found in the health food section of my local grocery store; it must be good for me then, right? It has been popping up in various news sources lately, especially because celebrities have been seen drinking it. Madonna even loves it! And we all know that Madonna knows everything there is to know about being healthy, right? And according to this article, Matthew McConaughey and Demi Moore have invested in the company. Wow. Coconut water. Who would have guessed?

The list of ingredients on the back only lists coconut water, unless you are drinking a flavored version, such as acai & pomegranate, pineapple, peach & mango, or tangerine, which all have additives from those respective fruits. Coconut water is the liquid found inside a coconut after it is cracked open. This differs from coconut milk in that the milk is derived from the pulp and oils of the coconut, which leave it with a much higher fat content than the fat free water offers. It is also very good for athletes as its potassium content helps with muscle cramps.

Hey, if this is all true, we should all be drinking pure coconut water. Fat free, full of vitamins, tastes great, and it hydrates. What more could we ask for?

Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi- Let Him Eat!

Poor Kobi. The 32 year old eating contest champion was arrested on the Fourth of July just for wanting to eat some Nathan’s hot dogs. After some contractual problems (contracts for eating?!) Kobayashi was banned from a hot dog eating contest in New York, but he decided to show up anyway to cheer on his buddies. When an overzealous crowd just couldn’t handle not seeing Kobi onstage sucking down dogs, they chanted and urged him up to climb up onstage. As soon as Kobi got onstage, he was arrested and taken to jail, where he spent the night with only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and glass of milk.

First off, I don’t care if Kobayashi is from another country, every single person deserves to eat some Nathan’s hot dogs on the Fourth of July. EVERYONE! Second, is jail really the answer? It’s not like Kobi was waving a gun around and screaming “let me eat hot dogs or I will shoot you all!” What a waste of tax dollars. And poor Kobi was probably really hungry in the slammer with so very little to eat!

And by the way, these competitive eaters are always strangely thin. How does that work? Anyone know? Oh and for those of you who are interested, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut won the competition.

Grilled Cheese Burgermelt? F’real?

It has come to my attention that there is a new menu item at the Friendly’s restaurant chain. I have never been to one, but it seems like your average family restaurant with burgers, salads, soups etc. Anyway, this new food item is actually a couple of food items rolled into one. Using two grilled cheese sandwiches as the buns framing a ground beef patty with some lettuce and tomato for color, the Grilled Cheese Burgermelt is sure to incite worry in the hearts of those whose hearts already have issues. In fact, it might cause a few palpitations in people who did not have any previous heart problems; mine is beating faster than normal after just looking at a photo of this “meal.”

The nutrition information on Friendly’s website indicates that this sandwich/ burger thing has 1,500 calories and 97 grams of fat. In one sandwich? Are you serious? That is enough fat for one full-grown adult for two days! And they are serving it in one meal! No, not even a meal. The main course! The average person will probably have fries and a beverage with this. Oh, my poor (albeit healthy) heart is beating so fast right now and I am nauseous just thinking about it. Once, when I was younger and thinner, my friend and I cooked and ate an entire package of bacon hoping for a miracle hangover cure one morning, and my heart went crazy with all of that fat and cholesterol. It’s doing that right now, and I have not even tasted this grilled cheese/ burger bastard child.

Yes, this monstrosity looks interesting and if I had a Friendly’s nearby, I might be tempted to try it (just a bite or two), but it really should never have been made. I hate being negative, but I am really afraid that this food item might cause immediate heart problems. Honestly, there should be a disclaimer on it: “Warning: Consuming this product might overload your body with calories, fat, and cholesterol. Consume at your own risk.”

At the very least, they should offer free Alka Seltzer to the people who order it.

Kombucha... Goodbye My Friend.

I could take this space to complain about Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol violation and its alleged role in pulling my favorite tea off of shelves, but the owner of the company and Lindsay herself are denying that drinking Kombucha, which has trace amounts of alcohol, contributed to this recall.

I discovered Kombucha about a year ago, interested in the apparent health benefits that the label offered. This fermented tea- which first appeared in Russia in the 19th century- contains a fair amount of yeast and bacteria, and sometimes forms a semi solid fungal mass in the beverage. Also known as “mushroom tea” because of the presence of this floating fungus, Kombucha was offered in many flavors such as mango, grape, cranberry, and ginger. I will admit that the first time I drank Kombucha I was driving, and after consuming half of the bottle, my muscles started feeling that familiar numbing effect that I get when I start drinking a cocktail. A closer look at the label informed me that there are trace amounts of alcohol in the beverage. I wondered if I could get a DUI or an open container citation for drinking it while driving. The tea was stored with the juices and sodas at AJ’s, the upscale market where I purchased it, so surely it isn’t really considered alcoholic. But that was a year ago, and nothing has been reported about this new tea on the market and the possibility of intoxicating an unsuspecting thirsty person.

Fast forward to June 2010. Lindsay Lohan is forced to wear an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet, known as a SCRAM device, and is photographed all over Los Angeles drinking Kombucha. The tabloids have a field day accusing her of guzzling this tea because it has trace amounts of alcohol and could help an alcoholic with detoxing withdrawals. When Lindsay’s SCRAM was activated by some vodka that she just couldn’t keep her hands off of at a party after the MTV Movie Awards, people speculated that she would blame it on the fermented tea. But she didn’t. And it turns out she really did drink vodka that night. So why all of the hype about Kombucha and its alcohol content? People simply are speculating that Lindsay was drinking it for its slight alcohol content… which has led to an investigation and the forced recall of the product.

Those of us who enjoyed it before this Lohan drama knew that it sometimes made us sleepy or silly. But now that a person with an alleged chemical dependency problem is all over the news with our tea, it is being taken away from us. And so, although Lindsay didn’t blame Kombucha for her alcohol violation, she inadvertently brought the issue of the tea’s alcohol content to the media’s awareness. Therefore, I still blame her. I also still blame her for f-ing up The Parent Trap… Hayley Mills’ classic role deserved better than what Lohan did to it, but that is a discussion for another day.